Pauline Friedman Phillips, who under the name of Abigail Van Buren wrote the long-running Dear Abby advice column that was followed by millions of newspaper readers throughout the world, has died. She was 94.
Publicist Gene Willis of Universal Uclick said Phillips died Wednesday after a long battle with Alzheimer's disease.
Phillips' column, which appeared in 1,000 newspapers as far off as Brazil and Thailand, competed for decades with the advice column of Ann Landers, written by her twin sister, Esther Friedman Lederer. Their relationship was stormy in their early adult years, but later they regained a close relationship.
The two columns differed in style. Ann Landers responded to questioners with homey, detailed advice. Abby's replies were often flippant one-liners.
Advice changed over the years
Phillips admitted that her advice changed over the years. When she started writing the column, she was reluctant to advocate divorce.
"I always thought that marriage should be forever," she explained. "I found out through my readers that sometimes the best thing they can do is part. If a man or woman is a constant cheater, the situation can be intolerable. Especially if they have children. When kids see parents fighting, or even sniping at each other, I think it is terribly damaging."
She willingly expressed views that she realized would bring protests. In a 1998 interview, she said, "Whenever I say a kind word about gays, I hear from people, and some of them are damn mad. People throw Leviticus, Deuteronomy and other parts of the Bible to me. It doesn't bother me. I've always been compassionate toward gay people."
If the letters sounded suicidal, she took a personal approach: "I'll call them. I say, 'This is Abby. How are you feeling? You sounded awfully low.' And they say, 'You're calling me?' After they start talking, you can suggest that they get professional help."
Ann Landers, right, and her twin sister Pauline, also known as Dear Abby, are shown in a file photo from June 1986, at their 50th high school reunion in Sioux City, Iowa. (John Gaps III/Associated Press ) Asked about Viagra, she replied: "It's wonderful. Men who can't perform feel less than manly, and Viagra takes them right off the spot."
About working mothers: "I think it's good to have a woman work if she wants to and doesn't leave her children unattended — if she has a reliable person to care for them. Kids still need someone to watch them until they are mature enough to make responsible decisions."
One trend Phillips adamantly opposed: children having sex as early as 12 years old.
"Kids grow up awfully fast these days," she said. "You should try to have a good relationship with your kids, no matter what they do."
In 2002 after the death of her twin sister, the family revealed that Phillips had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. By then Phillips' daughter, Jeanne Phillips, who had helped her mother with the Dear Abby column for years, was its sole author.
The twin sisters were born to immigrants from Russia who had fled in 1905 because of the persecution of Jews.
"My parents came with nothing. They all came with nothing," Phillips said in a 1986 Associated Press interview. She recalled that her parents always remembered seeing the Statue of Liberty. "It's amazing the impact the lady of the harbour had on them. They always held her dear, all their lives."
The twins wrote gossip columns for their college newspapers. Two days before their 21st birthday, they had a double wedding. Their lives diverged as they followed their husbands to different cities.
Esther lived in Chicago, and in 1955 she applied for and was given the job of writing the advice column. She adopted the existing column's name, Ann Landers.
Pauline followed her sister's lead, though she insisted it wasn't the reason for her decision. She arranged for an interview with an editor of the San Francisco Chronicle and presented sample columns, arguing that the paper's lovelorn column was boring. The editors admired her breezy style, and she was hired.
Searching for a name for the column, Pauline chose Abigail from the Bible and Van Buren from the eighth American president. Within a year she signed a 10-year contract with the McNaught Syndicate, which spread her column across the country.
'I was cocky.'—Pauline Friedman Phillips, Dear Abby columnist
"I was cocky," she admitted in 1998. "My contemporaries would come to me for advice. I got that from my mother: the ability to listen and to help other people with their problems. I also got Daddy's sense of humour."
Pauline applied for the advice column without notifying her sister, and that reportedly resulted in bad feelings. For a long time they didn't speak to each other, but their differences were resolved. In June 2001, the twins, 83, attended the 90th birthday party of their sister Helen Brodkey.
The advice business extended to the second generation of the Friedmans. Phillips had announced in 2000 that her daughter would share her byline. Her sister's daughter, Margo Howard, wrote an advice column for the online magazine Slate.
In her book "The Best of Abby," Phillips commented that her years writing the column "have been fulfilling, exciting and incredibly rewarding. ... My readers have told me that they've learned from me. But it's the other way around. I've learned from them. Has it been a lot of work? Not really. It's only work if you'd rather be doing something else."
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